Tales of Hinamizawa and Rokkenjima
by CrazyInsaneAnimeFanGirl
Summary: Thank You For Being Born - Bernkastel has her secrets. Warning: Spoilers for at least the fifth arc
1. Kanon Doesn't Feel Like Dancing

**Disclaimer: Don't own a thing.**

**Warnings: Underage drinking, a kiss between two males, talk of multiple kisses between males, brief talk of male genitalia (but nothing explicit)**

"I don't really-"

"Aw, lighten up, Kanon-kun!"

…Nee-san, you too?

Because their schedules allowed it, Kanon and Shannon had been invited to play cards with the Master's grandchildren. The radio was on. After Maria had been put to bed, Battler had pulled out a bottle of sake. Despite George's protests, Battler and Jessica were both drunk before long. At some point, George and Shannon had shrugged and started drinking too. Only Kanon remained sober as everyone began dancing around the room.

Now they wanted him to join them.

Despite his protests, Shannon grabbed his hands and began to pull him along.

It wasn't so bad. Shannon had a happy grin on her face as she led him along in a drunken waltz. She'd only stepped on his toes three times before George cut in. Kanon had assumed that he wanted to dance with Shannon, but no. He found himself dancing the part of the lady with his sister's boyfriend.

Shannon, meanwhile, began to dance a bizarre three-way movement with Jessica and Battler.

It was awkward. George was a terrible dancer. No wonder his mother was trying to arrange an omiai for him.

At some point, he found himself dancing with Jessica. Aware of her feelings for him, he tried to keep a safe distance. Unfortunately, she kept trying to pull closer.

Battler didn't help. In fact, Battler was trying to feel him up himself, apparently convinced that Kanon was female pretending to be male.

"I assure you, I'm completely male." Kanon protested.

"Then why doncha prove it!?" Shannon demanded, giggling.

"Nee-san… you've seen me naked many times." Kanon gave her an incredulous look as he immediately began to regret his words.

"Ooh, you've seen Kanon-kun naked!" Jessica giggled. "How big is he?"

"MILADY!"

"Hey, lighten up, Kanon-kun!" Battler chuckled. "Have a lil drink!"

Then he took a large swig himself.

"Battler-sama, as furniture, I really shouldn't-" Kanon was unable to finish.

Battler was so determined to get him to drink, it seems, that he was willing to give him the sake directly. As in, mouth to mouth.

George started laughing hysterically while Shannon and Jessica started squealing with delight.

Kanon swallowed out of fear of choking. Mercifully, Battler pulled away.

"Are you gonna drink, or am I gonna have to give you the kiss of life again?"

Kanon opened his mouth to say that the kiss of life was CPR, but sighed, resigning himself, and asked for a glass. Before Battler could pour him a glass, however, Jessica snatched the bottle and took a swig, then kissed Kanon herself.

Somewhere along the line, dancing was forgotten and Battler, sensing a challenge that wasn't there, forgot about his offer to Kanon. This started a "Who Can Give Kanon the Most Kisses" contest. Battler, Jessica, Shannon, and even George gave Kanon multiple sake-filled kisses until the bottle was empty. Sometimes Kanon received two kisses at once.

Well, maybe it's not so bad to lighten up. Just as long as no one throws up on him.


	2. Which Rokkenjima Man Is Gay?

**Don't own jack. The previous story was inspired by "I Don't Feel Like Dancing" by the Scissors. This one is inspired by "Which Backstreet Boy Is Gay", by… whoever.**

"Hey, Satan-nee, you think Kanon's gay?"

It was a simple offhanded remark intended to rile her older sister up, but Mammon's comment got the attention of all of her sisters.

"Mammon, if anyone's gay, it's Ushiromiya Battler." Belphegor scoffed. "All that asking to grope a girl's chest… Methinks the boy doth protest too much."

"Wh-what are you saying, Belphegor!?" Lucifer protested. "If Battler's gay, then so is his father! After all, "like father, like son", as they say!"

"But he's married!" Belphegor declared, unusually riled up.

"Kyrie has rather short hair." Asmodeus noted. "Maybe they're in a relationship to hide their own homosexual tendencies."

"You really think so!?" Leviathan gave her sister an excited look.

"I still say Kanon's gay." Mammon shrugged.

"He's furniture!" Satan shouted. "He's not supposed to have romantic feelings! That's why he couldn't date Jessica!"

"That's what he _said_, but is that _really_ why?" Lucifer, wanting to move the conversation away from Battler, was glad to find a target.

"Don't tell me he didn't want Battler's meat when they first met." Asmodeus piped up. "The vibe was totally there!"

"Asmo, you see "the vibe" everywhere." Mammon sighed. "Even between Ushiromiya Kinzou and Nanjou Terumasa."

"DON'T JUDGE ME!" Asmodeus shouted, clinging to her notebook, which was filled with several… interesting pictures. "And what about Sakutaro!? He doesn't actually like it when we hug him! How do you know he doesn't secretly wish we were boys!?"

"Why you- I could say the same about Amakusa!" Mammon protested. "Maybe he's sick of girls throwing themselves at him and wishes Ange-sama were a man!"

"Don't I wish!" Asmodeus opened her notebook and flipped through it before showing them a picture of Amakusa and a male who looked suspiciously like Ange in a compromising position.

"DO YOU DRAW THAT STUFF ON A REGULAR BASIS!?" Satan protested loudly.

"Of course!" Asmodeus chirped. "Wanna see my other pictures?"

Silence. All of the girls had called into question the sexuality of those their sisters were interested in. Except one. And the sister who had said nothing suddenly spoke.

"Everyone is gay on Rokkenjima." Beelzebub declared. "Now can we get something to eat now?"


	3. Trouble Is Rika's Friend

**Disclaimer: Once again, I own nothing. Inspired by Lenka's "Trouble is a Friend".**

"Trouble follows me everywhere, it seems." Rika mumbled to herself.

"Hm? What do you mean, Rika-chan?" Rena asks, hearing her words even though Rika hadn't intended for her to.

"Trouble is a friend of mine." Rika sighed, not in the mood for conversation.

Rena, Keiichi, and Mion exchange worried glances.

"Don't be alarmed." Rika gave a small smirk. If paranoia was going to take her friends, she might as well be the one to instill it. "Especially if he takes you by the arm."

"Is he cute?" Rena demands. "Can I take him home!?"

"Rena, we've been through this." Mion sighed. "Kidnapping is a crime."

"And you hardly want him at your house." Rika rubbed her forehead. "As his name implies, he's trouble."

"And he follows you everywhere?" Keiichi asks.

"Yes. What of it?"

Silence.

"So… He's a stalker?"

"Maybe Ooishi-san could help?"

"You gotta be joking, Kei-chan. That nosy detective will only make things worse."

Rika stared at her friends incredulously. She was speaking metaphorically, of course, but her friends were convinced that she was really being stalked. They really were extremely gullible. But if they believed her, maybe…

At that moment Satoko returned from the bathroom.

"Satoko!" Keiichi demanded. "Have you seen any strange men following you around?"

"Actually, Keiichi-" Rika began. "I'm not being followed around by a strange man!"

Just a strange, horned spirit.

"Has he already contacted you?" Mion asked, frowning. "Is he threatening you?"

"Rika-chan, you don't need to lie to us." Rena clenched Rika's hands. "We're your friends. We'll help you."

Rika would have been moved had her friends not been grossly misinformed about what was troubling her. Despite her attempts to explain, that afternoon, she and Satoko were escorted by guard dogs wielding a baseball bat (that belonged to Satoshi), a billhook (where had Rena found that, anyway?), and an air-gun (was that allowed at school?).

Well, at least Rika knows that she can rely on her friends to at least try to keep her safe.


	4. Thank You For Being Born

**Disclaimer: This story was inspired by "Thank You For Being Born" on the Umineko soundtrack. Look it up on YouTube.**

Frederica Bernkastel has a reputation for being the "Cruelest Witch in the Universe". And she is.

Doing everything in her power to force another witch to surrender, even if it meant involving innocent humans.

Creating a piece that frames an innocent woman for the murder of her husband and daughter.

Abusing that piece when it fails.

Forcing a six-year-old child to choose between a loving aunt and a beloved older brother.

That's just a few of the terrible things she's done. Really, it's quite ironic that the Cruelest Witch in the Universe has the title of the Witch of Miracles.

Of course, even she has her reasons for how she came to have that title. Being mercilessly slaughtered by the people she called her friends over and over. And once she'd finally won the game against Lambdadelta, she separated from the piece that won. She was no longer "Furude Rika".

Very few people know that Bernkastel still visits those kakera from time to time. Lambdadelta probably suspects it, but refrains from teasing her. After all, she does the same thing. She playfully flirts with Bernkastel, but it's clear to the Witch of Miracles that the Witch of the Absolute still has lingering feelings for the man with the camera.

Despite being slaughtered by them countless times, Bernkastel often visits her friends at night, as they sleep.

She visits Keiichi the most. With the others, she simply watches. Keiichi is the exception.

Bernkastel enjoys stroking her finger along his cheek, his neck, his lips, down his chest… And she has kissed him more than once. Sometimes she even lies next to him.

Bernkastel isn't sure if these are her own feelings, or if she hasn't quite separated from Furude Rika. And _did_ Rika have special feelings for Keiichi? It's true that he _had_ given her the hope of smashing the Endless June. Even if she claims to have separated from Furude Rika, the memories are still there.

There's no telling how warped Bernkastel would have turned out had he not given Rika that hope.

And she owes it all to the existence of this one boy.

"To tell the truth…" She says one night, knowing the boy can't hear him. "I'm glad that you were born."

He stirs slightly and for a second she is surprised, thinking that maybe, just maybe, he heard her.

But he rolls over, oblivious. She sighs and prepares to return to Beatrice's realm. The next game will be starting soon.

"I met an idiot not unlike you recently." She says before she departs. "I wonder if my piece in that realm will love him as my piece in this realm loves you?"

Keiichi still snores quietly. Bernkastel sighs once more.

"I wasn't lying a moment ago. I thank your parents for giving you life. And…" She says quietly, planting a small kiss on his forehead. "I thank you for being born."

And she's gone.


End file.
